My
bad friend
Part One
My First Affection
I was young, I didn't have many friends but many
people around me had their good friends. I was jealous, I envied them. These
people around me looked so happy with their friends, so attached to each other,
and very often they discussed their friends with each other. Everybody seemed
to be happy, but not me. I also wanted to have a good friend, I was younger
than the people around me, but I was not too young for such a great friend, I
thought.And I decided to find him whatever it would cost
me. Actually it was pretty easy to find him; it took me just a couple of
minutes to steal one of my father’s friends! I had lots of choices soon and I
chose one cute looking friend. He just caught my eye as soon as I saw him among
dozens of others, I immediately fell in love.I held him in my shaking hands, I was so excited.
At last I have my friend with me, I thought. I decided to never separate from
him, whatever happened to me, never ever.
My First Pain
I kissed him as a friend would kiss a friend but
then suddenly something happened. It happened so quickly I didn't understand
how and why, somebody hit me so hard on my chest that I got out of breath, I
was being chocked, I felt terrible pain in my chest, I thought I was dying. I
had never felt so bad in my life before. It was particularly hurting me because
I thought my new friend hit me so hard and forcefully! I was truly knocked out.
How could he? I loved him so much but he hit me so hard? I wanted to cry, it hurt me both physically and
mentally. I didn't like my new friend so much as before. I let him off.My friend was silent.I was still wondering at my friend’s behavior when
he said something, he whispered something sweet and desirable into my ear and
smiled to me. I felt I still loved him and let him close to me. He suddenly hit
me again, but this time it didn't hurt so much, I even enjoyed it a little when
he hurt me! Then I thought, he was just playing with me, an innocent game of a
loving friend.
My First Attachment
This was the day when we decided to stay together
forever. I gave him a promise, he gave a promise to me to be a devoted friend.
He became the most important thing in my life, and it seemed I was the most
important thing in his life too. We were together day and night, all the time.
This was the happiest period in my life, life seemed so beautiful and I felt
extreme gratification of myself.He was the most important one in my life, more
important than my other friends, more important than my parents, or family, or
even my own children whom I thought I loved most! He became truly Number One in
my life, his shadow followed me wherever I went, whatever I did. He was the
first one to come into my mind when I woke up in the morning, and he was the last
one to come into my mind when I went to bed after giving him the last handshake
of the day. He was with me even in my dreams! Sometimes I would even wake up in
the middle of the night just to see if he was next to me and to feel his
presence. We became one body, one soul, my best friend and me. Years passed, we never separated and never got
tired of each other. We were together all the time, I could touch him, I could
see him, I could smell and taste him any time I wanted. And the more I did so,
the more desirable he became, the deeper I fell in love with him. I could not
imagine my life without him; I was scared and terrified at the thought that
someday I may lose him..
My First Slavery
But then, one day, it seemed something went wrong
with my friend. He was a kind of different. Not as before. He seemed different
to me, but actually he looked exactly the same as he looked when we met the
first time. As attractive and as ever.He gradually became too cheeky, too confident, too
demanding and too authoritative; I became too obedient, too dependent and too undetermined
to say anything against him.How do you feel about a friend who goes everywhere
with you? At first he seemed so devoted
and I was proud of him and myself. I had such a great friend! But then
gradually I felt uncomfortable when he tagged me all the time. Not only did he
tag along all the time, but he became offensive and vulgar, and I became
unwelcome with him. But I was too attached to him to break up. I was unable to
forget him even one second. He had a peculiar smell which got stuck to me
wherever I went. Others began thinking we both stank. My friend gave me not
only this smell, but peculiar color too. He was so close to me all the time
that my fingers turned yellow and stinky, my lips, my tongue, my mustache and
lips turned yellow and stinky too. I was disgusted of myself.But this was not all, my friend gave me such a
nasty smell and taste in my mouth that every morning after I got up I ran to
the bathroom trying to wash that nasty, disgusting smell and taste off, but
then he appeared again and gave me one of his horrible-tasting breaths again,
and I accepted it with my head lowered. He began to control me totally. And I
felt I was chained, I was trapped. And I felt too helpless to break apart, to
break away. I wanted to be alone, I wanted to be myself just for one day, I
wanted to smell my food and taste it, to breathe fresh air, to feel flowers,
but he would never let me go. He had become my master; I was in his hands,
under his total control.And he was not a kind master either.
My First Suffering
He was cruel,
my best friend became the most cruel creature in the world.When he said Jump, I jumped, when he said Run, I
ran, when he said Freeze, I Froze.Sometimes he would suddenly disappear. Even in a
cold winter night I had to jump out of my warm bed and go to the nearest night
stores to find him.Sometimes, when I couldn't find him in the nearby
stores I had to take a taxi to the other side of the city to pick him up. I couldn't disobey him; I couldn't go back to my warm bed without finding him, I couldn't disobey his orders. He would punish me if I did; he would hurt me so
hard that I would get mad of crushing mental and physical pain. Yes, my friend
had become my tormentor. And I couldn't argue with him.Sometimes when I was at a party or a meeting, at a
concert or a movie, he wanted me to go out with him and miss the best part of
the show. My other friends were having fun, but he won’t let me let me join
them. He didn't let me do physical activities even, he didn't let me jog in the
morning or play football with my other friends. In his opinion I am too old to
have that kind of fun. Whenever I tried to do physical activities, he jumped
and sat on my chest, closed my mouth and made it impossible to breathe. I would
gasp heavily and give it up. I had to obey my master. He was in control of my
life.My friend didn't like my choice of clothes either,
instead of politely offering me better clothes he just burnt little holes in
these items so that I would throw them away and never wear them again.He began demanding more and more money from me; it
became really expensive to support him. I had to pay to keep him with me but he
never, never paid one Jiao in return!Day after day, year after year I had to work hard
and give him my money. And do you know how he would manage my money? He would
just burn it, in front of my eyes! It was so painful to see my money burning, I
worked it honestly, I devoted myself to my job, and now he burnt everything to
ashes!He did not believe in being healthy. He was really
repulsed by the thought of my living a long and healthy life. So every chance
he got, he made me sick. He helped me catch cold and flu not just by running
out in the middle of the night to pick him up at the store. He was more
creative, nastier than that. He carried thousands of poison with him which he
constantly blew in my face, into my lungs. When I inhaled some of them, they
wiped out cilia in my lungs, which would have helped me prevent these diseases.
My First Disease
But cold and flu were just his child’s play. He
especially liked diseases that slowly crippled me – like emphysema. He
considered this disease great. You know what it feels like? To get a sense what
it feels like to breathe with emphysema take a deep breath and hold it. Now
without letting out any air, take another breath. Hold that one too. One more
time, take one more breath, hold that one too…OK, let it out all and start it
all over again! Once he got me to have this, I gave up all my
other friends, family, career goals, activities, everything. I had to sit at home
and caress him, telling him what a great friend he was while I desperately
gasped for air. But eventually my friend got tired of me. He
decided he no longer wished to have my company. Instead of letting us go our
separate ways, he decided to kill me. Ha had a huge arsenal of weapons behind
him. Only then did I realize he had been plotting to
kill me since the day when we first met. He had picked all the top killers and
done everything in his power to ensure I would get one of them. He overworked
my heart and lungs; he clogged up the arteries to my heart and every other part
of my body. In case I was too strong to succumb to this, he constantly exposed
me to cancer causing agents. He knew he would get me sooner or later. He knew
it long ago, but I was too stupid to know his deadly secrets.
My Last Decision
I still have a chance to live on. If he was so
cruel to try to kill me, I will be even more cruel with him. I will kill him
tonight! I will destroy him; all his nasty, smelly, poisonous traces will be
erased from my home, my clothes, my body, my soul.You cannot be stronger than me, you ugly, smelly, cowardly
poisonous bastard! This is the end of our friendship. The end!I will erase his image from my mind, from my
memory, I will become free man again, free of his slavery and when the time
comes for me to die, I will die not in the hands of the enemy-SMOKE, but in the hands of God.
To Be Continued
