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Car ’57 Where Are You?


I am looking for a '57 Chevy that came off the line on June 25th, that year. My first wife, after 21 years of marriage said, "tegory, your problem is, you don't know what a relationship is." The feedback from my second marital experience was, "oh yes, you know what a relationship is, in fact you taught me." Feeling self-confident that first year in widowhood, I was blind-sided by a '49 Aquarius-Pisces Cusp. She said that although I had spent a lot of time on the road, I still had much growing-up to do where relationships were concerned. Although she turned me down for too many reasons to list here, she did give me the keys to this astrology stuff.


That was a long time ago, five years this past week, to be exact. I have been on the used car lot so long my paint job is starting to peel off. When I got to Zhengzhou three years ago, I bragged about my Astro-GPS relationship guidance system called, It's In The Cards. I mean, statistically speaking, how could I go wrong with over a billion cars on the road? And I was only interested in the JD Powers selections that ranked best in LOVE, regardless of race, creed, and language.


As fate would have it, I fell in love with a best in FAMILY, a Two of Clubs. The problem was and still is, the car dealerships in China don't work the same way they do in the 'states.' It reminds me of the time in the 50's, when my father took me to see this Volkswagen 'Beetle' with the engine in the back and no radiator. I was never impressed with that foreign stuff until the Jaguar XK-E arrived. Seriously, how could anyone, even the French fall in love with a Citroen? Anyway, I have had numerous, too numerous, "tire kickers" look me over, always compliment me on my late fifties appearance, but never ask the price or even take me for a test drive. It's sad, it's enough to make me develop an oil leak.


I got started on my latest quest to look over a June 25th, Five of Clubs, best in WORK relationship during my second year in China, when a Canuck single guy - you lose that bachelor sheen after forty - moved in downstairs and became my best friend. We could talk for hours, about anything, even serious stuff, like why if we're so smart, were we still so lonely. Then this past year, I was introduced to an age appropriate, sexy, divorcee, millionairess, who's 'Yangli' (Gregorian calendar birthday) was June 25th. Sexy, rich, and the same zodiac operating manual as my new best friend, obviously this prospective pairing had WTO (World Trade Organization) approval. Unfortunately, or as we say in the world of astrology, karmically, she couldn't speak English, and even as a glum dog, I'm not going to learn enough Chinese to get past the driveway.


Nevertheless, doing all this Consumer Reports style research on the permutations and possibilities of the 1,125 relational match-ups continues to enlighten me about why men are from Mars and women are from Venus. I am further intrigued by Deepak Chopra's definition of the seven stages of Kama Sutra: Attraction, Infatuation, Communion, Intimacy, Surrender and Non-Attachment, Passion, and Ecstasy. With over 100,000 miles on my Mars odometer, I would consider my stay in the physical world a rip-roaring success if I made it past Communion to the fourth stage of love, Intimacy. I'm an optimist, but I don't think Ecstasy is in my cards.

The reason I think intimacy is possible with a '57 June 25th, is the Mind Versus Heart description of the relationship dynamic between a Virgo III and a Cancer I: "This relationship is likely to involve a struggle to balance the often conflicting interests of heart and mind. Cancer I's are controlled by their emotions and Virgo III's by their thoughts. Particularly in love affairs and marriages, they both must learn to own up to their own emotions and take responsibility for them."

As Mars is my witness and co-signatory on my loan, I am ready to own up to my own emotions and take responsibility for them.

Car '57, where are you?


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